Reading has always been like music to me. I could close my eyes and see the words hovering above me in the air…taking shape into the story,character’s laughter weaving spells around me, landscapes enveloping me…so it’s no surprise that I would use it the same way most people use music; to help process.

There are a few books that I re-read depending on my head space; I have books for when my depression gets really bad, I have books for when I’m frustrated with my growth, I have books that remind me of the importance of family and friends…I have books for when I’m happy and for when I’m sad but lately I’ve been in a unique predicament – I’ve been processing a lot of things that I’ve given very little thought over the years like my future and my legacy as well as the mortality of my Mother and subsequently all of the family members of her generation as most of the elders are gone.

Trying to find what I feel like I’ve lost in the bustle of NYC. This is the most dangerous part of living here – this idea that you’re so busy that you have no time for anything but work and or school. You forget about your own person hood while somehow becoming egotistical and only thinking of yourself. The anonymity of cities can be a poison, if you’re not careful and I realize that I have not heeded my own counsel on the subject.

So, I’ve bought a lot more books than usual these past few months but I haven’t been able to make it past a few pages of the majority of them. It’s a tough thing to search for comfort but not know where to find it. If you have a recommendation for someone going through a transitional phase in life or coming to terms with morality; please take the time to comment or email me. (No self-help books please)

Thankfully A has been very supportive and patient as I go through this spiral and can somehow stand to be around me when I barely want to be around myself. Ha.

You can’t expect growth and come out unscathed I suppose to trying to hold on to some measure of positivity has it merits…progress can be so slow. I have to tell you folks that knowing what the issue is already helps you solve half the problem but that is the biggest untruth. Knowing the problem can sometimes only exacerbate it. Getting through it is what takes patience and discipline; which are not virtues I’m known for.