Letters to Love – What just happened?

We’ve been infatuated with each other forever, the hope of a sweet kiss and a gentle touch has stroked our egos and lit our fires for years, but where are we now? I shudder to think that our relationship could have gone so cold, no more talking, no more showing, no more hoping. Where did we go wrong? Was this mutual or was it you or I, locked up in our worlds, praying that everything on the outside would be waiting for us when we returned?

You shocked me with your candor, that is, you shocked me with your pain. Opened up wounds I thought I’d long forgotten, teased me with a past that was completely consuming. What is your ploy? Why do you hurt me? Did I not tend to you as I said I would? Keeping you warm on cold days, opening my arms and my heart and my soul and rendering it to you, pretty please on top with a red bow? Haven’t I been patient? Explaining, straight forward, noble?

We were supposed to be right, the right way to love, the example, the gold standard. How will this go on? Which one of us will break it to our mutual friends. They’ll take your side, you’re perfect. I love you. Don’t go. We couldn’t work it out? I couldn’t make another sacrifice to set things right? Have you see me in the light that I see you? Isn’t there anything I could do?

Don’t do this, don’t pity my with your sympathetic nods and your cold stares. I wanted you to want me as bad as I wanted, no needed you. I wanted you to understand me the way that I thought I understood you. Can you hear me now as I cry into the night, lighting a candle on your side of the room? I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I take it back, let’s start over. I can change, I can be different, I can be someone else, someone you’d want to want, want to need, need to need, need to please. I can be. Anything. Change me. Consume me. Defeat me. Domineer me. Complete me. Fulfil me. Free me.

When you’re not here all I feel is pain and the emptiness that drives poets mad. The eerie silence that makes you want to die, cry, crawl up inside your self and lie. I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to tie you down, you have so much to offer and I don’t have anything else left to give. Believe me.

I know you’re leaving. Just leave.

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