So, I’ve known for a very long time that there was something not normal about me. I couldn’t keep friends, I alientated people yet desired them around me at the same time, I cried for weeks on end then I would go numb and I just couldn’t deal. Emotions overwhelmed me and I tried to put the flame out by attempting suicide in High School. Thankfully (I suppose) it wasn’t that deep of a cut, or the cut wasn’t made the correct way so, I survived, moved on, went to therapy for a couple months and I thought that would be it. What a realized walking away from therapy was that I got better at hiding how I felt, that I was a ticking time bomb, that my life was no better and my method of dealing no more useful then when I started.
I became obsessed with being loved, and being wanted and I felt like if I had someone there to love me and be with me and understand that it wouldn’t hurt so much, that the pain wouldn’t burn inside for so long. Being in love this way is madness, it is above and beyond anything one could ever describe.
Since blogging has been so theraputic, I decided it is time for it to all come out. Maybe this will be better than therapy, even though therapy is where I belong.