Perceptions of Beauty

I’m average. I’m smart, (I’d like to think) witty, funny and I have varied interests but I’ve never been nor will I ever be beautiful. I don’t consider myself ugly, I just know that I’m never going to turn heads with my looks and that’s okay.

When I was younger and going through the angst of teenage learning; I desperately wanted to be beautiful. I was confused by beauty; particularly by the reaction it got from men and women alike; the reaction it got from me.

As I grew into my long arms and legs, I realized that I wouldn’t be a 10 and somewhere along they way, I gave up on the futile quest of hoping for something I couldn’t change and started to focus on what I liked about myself, my passion.

I found love early, with a handsome man who does indeed fit the standard (in my opinion) of above average attraction – I still get stares from women when he introduces me sometimes – it’s a scornful look that almost knocks you down before they say hello. They were looking for the justification of why we ended up together and how we’ve managed to stay together since High School. It’s an awful feeling, especially coming from women that I’m happy to give a compliment to – who doesn’t love being around a beautiful woman?

I’m not ugly. I’m not beautiful. I’m somewhere in between and I’m okay with that but acknowledging that you’re not beautiful doesn’t mean that you’re automatically insecure.

Why is that always the assumption? I’m not talking about this for clicks and RTs; I imagine I can’t be the only woman that feels this way and I’m sure that this isn’t a feeling limited to women either.

I’m insecure about my writing. That’s what plagues me; deciding whether or not I’m talented enough and represent something worth giving to the world. I’m not angry / sad / depressed because I’m not as beautiful as I once wished I was. Being beautiful I’m sure has it’s own set of responsibilities and issues; and I’m quite certain that I’m not willing to add any complications to being an Afro/Indo Caribbean Immigrant that’s trying to make it as a writer. I’m good.

I’m not owed being beautiful and beautiful people don’t owe us any of their beauty.

Thank you to @trvmlyncrl on twitter for raising this topic tonight and inspiring me to write a bit.


6 Comments Add yours

  1. Hey, I see absolutely no reason for you to be insecure about your writing. Cuz you’re doing great. Let’s accept it, we all weren’t meant to be Shakespeare.. Just like we’ve accepted we’re not head turners, we’re still perfect.

    1. Asiaelle says:

      You are absolutely correct! Shakespeare is also one of my favorites but that doesn’t mean his voice is the only one that should have been heard. 🙂 I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

      1. My pleasure. Good luck.

  2. Your “story” is similar to mine in certain aspects. I feel the same way as you. But then I look back at pics of me and think “wow, there was nothing wrong with me at all”. looking at your pic theres nothing wrong w/u either. I truly beleive its not about beauty at all. Theres a plathara of reasons some ppl get attn and others dont. But i digress… i understand the insecurity of “writing”. Cus I too am nervous each time I post something. Tho you may be nervous or apprehensive about writing… do it and post it anyways because theres ALWAYS someone who needs what you have to say. Good article & thx for sharing

    1. Asiaelle says:

      It’s definitely something I struggle with but because writing has been a constant in my life ever since I was a kid, it’s like hugging an old friend. I can’t give it up. 🙂

      I appreciate you stopping by and reading / commenting. ❤

  3. Clover says:

    Wow, very profound and brave. Thank you for sharing!

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