I’m average. I’m smart, (I’d like to think) witty, funny and I have varied interests but I’ve never been nor will I ever be beautiful. I don’t consider myself ugly, I just know that I’m never going to turn heads with my looks and that’s okay.
When I was younger and going through the angst of teenage learning; I desperately wanted to be beautiful. I was confused by beauty; particularly by the reaction it got from men and women alike; the reaction it got from me.
As I grew into my long arms and legs, I realized that I wouldn’t be a 10 and somewhere along they way, I gave up on the futile quest of hoping for something I couldn’t change and started to focus on what I liked about myself, my passion.
I found love early, with a handsome man who does indeed fit the standard (in my opinion) of above average attraction – I still get stares from women when he introduces me sometimes – it’s a scornful look that almost knocks you down before they say hello. They were looking for the justification of why we ended up together and how we’ve managed to stay together since High School. It’s an awful feeling, especially coming from women that I’m happy to give a compliment to – who doesn’t love being around a beautiful woman?
I’m not ugly. I’m not beautiful. I’m somewhere in between and I’m okay with that but acknowledging that you’re not beautiful doesn’t mean that you’re automatically insecure.
Why is that always the assumption? I’m not talking about this for clicks and RTs; I imagine I can’t be the only woman that feels this way and I’m sure that this isn’t a feeling limited to women either.
I’m insecure about my writing. That’s what plagues me; deciding whether or not I’m talented enough and represent something worth giving to the world. I’m not angry / sad / depressed because I’m not as beautiful as I once wished I was. Being beautiful I’m sure has it’s own set of responsibilities and issues; and I’m quite certain that I’m not willing to add any complications to being an Afro/Indo Caribbean Immigrant that’s trying to make it as a writer. I’m good.
I’m not owed being beautiful and beautiful people don’t owe us any of their beauty.
Thank you to @trvmlyncrl on twitter for raising this topic tonight and inspiring me to write a bit.