I miss…

When you miss someone, what is it that makes you ache? Is it the big things like them not being around you or is it the little things…like the way smelled after a shower?

A lot of my “missing” is triggered by smells, tastes and moments of deja vu. For instance, I miss the way a particular house smells the first time you enter it after a long day of work, I miss the way my grandmother’s food tasted…the way she would ask me to taste it before everyone else…as if the very act made it a complete dish, I miss the way my mother’s eyes light up when she watches wrestling and yells at the TV as if she can determine the next move, I miss Sunday dinner with the family, I miss the feeling of communion religion can bring, I miss the way real meat used to taste…freshly killed and tender. I miss my grandfather’s stories after he had a few drinks…the way his sweat would smell; half sweat,¬†half rum cooled onto his skin by the dew filled air.

I miss TV not cutting off after a particular time. I miss playing outside. I miss the feeling of rushing home to watch cartoons. I miss the way you would make me tea in the middle of the night, with random spices as I sit on the kitchen counter…waiting for your potion with the full capability of doing it myself but knowing the only way I would be satisfied is if you do it. I miss the way I would barricade myself on the bed with the mosquito netting tucked in, hoping that I didn’t end up leaning on it and getting bit through the net anyway.

I miss the sense of awe and wonderment I had as a child, I miss my High School Uniform and the sense of purpose and identity it gave, I miss watching the boys play cricket during lunch, I miss playing market outside under the mango trees…I miss a lot.

I appreciate a lot. I miss a lot of people; some have passed, others are far away and some are nearby but there is nothing I can do to remedy the distance…I miss them all, I love them all and I will never forget them.

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