After D, Before F

How can I show you the other side of me?
I am scared, alone, broken and battered.
You wouldn’t recognized what’s inside, the dark void of blackness that threatens to swallow me whole, the wild unkempt madness that lingers, that abides by no known rules.

I struggle to maintain the me that you know, what you see.
Smiled are filled with lies that cry tears heavy and pregnant when you’re not with me.
When I’m with you everything is not okay. When I’m with you, everything is okay.

I shudder at your thought of me.
Could you love me? Heart pulsating, happiness shattered; the future shows only pain. I wonder can I truly be yours? Tainted body and mind ripped from childhood to womanhood by adults looking for a fix. I wish I could be free from the scars of fires long gone, dampened by my body. I want to show you smooth lines and sharp colors fading into the explosion of my mind’s silhouette, the dream of what I can be.

You free me
you rob me
of the inhibition to deny myself anything that can make me happy
temporary sanity
for this moment I want you to take me
give me everything

Warm body
numbing finger tips
tingles in my spine
soft clothes against my skin
sweet lines
smooth speech
bright eyes
perfect smile
and that firm tug toward infinity
my estacy

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