In search of a Father

My father and my Mother got a divorce when I was too young to remember, growing up I had my grandfather and plethora of male influence, father figures if you will but I was conscious that there was no one I could call daddy, no father daughter time, no secrets between us, no special talks or walks or places we could share…after a while, growing up took precedent over everything and becoming the best person I could be wasn’t entirely dependant on one missing person, will then again, is a person missing if they are making the choice not to be around?

Now that I’m older, reasonably settled and have a path in life; my father has been on my mind. It would be a shame if he passes or if our paths never cross again. I wonder if he has moments where a memory of me invades his entire day or if he ever just wants to know what I look like. I have one picture of my father and his last name, and that’s no longer enough, but how do I find someone that has made no effort or has shown no interest in me? It was easy to answer that question, nothing was done, nothing has been done and I’m fatherless now. I feel the loss every time I look at his picture, see other fathers with their daughters or I see his features in a strangers face.

How do I move on?

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One Comment Add yours

  1. I feel you… I was forced out of my childrens life when they were very young… I have tried on several occaisions to make a connections but to no avail… I put something in them when they were very young that I call “Vibe!!!” Our ancesters put a “vibe” in all of us so that we would never forget who we are and where we came from… I have not seen my kids for over fifteen years, but I know if they ever hear this “vibe” they will know that I am “daddy” inspite of what their mom or anyone else told them about me… I am sure that your dad put a “vibe” in you too… You know it when you see, hear, taste, or touch something then just start smiling for no reason…
    “Vibe” is that something that says “I belong!!!”
    “Ms O” is the product of the “Vibe” of our ancesters… Obama is the product of our ancesters “Vibe!!!”
    So my sista, be of good courage, even though you don’t know your father you already know his “Vibe!”

    J…

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