Most folks share the overtly positive sides of mindfulness without talking much about the internal conversations and work necessary to be in practice.

Today, I wanted to share a bit about how I keep things practical; namely the internal reflection and checks I do to ensure I’m allowing space for a negative reaction but not wallowing there.

I was supposed to play Mas yesterday; I’ve been excited for months after finally committing to testing my resolve and stamina for the road. Costume was set, flights were booked, and I was as prepared as I could be. Then came disappointment; the realization that the wrong costume was ordered.

I had to take a beat and let the heart break wash over me. Two days before parade day; there was never really any hope of getting the costume I wanted, but my Troupe leader and designer tried her very best. In the end, I could go on the road with what I had which didn’t flatter me, go with what was found which only fit me on top but not on the bottom or sit this thing out.

I chose the latter.

After taking a beat and a silent car ride, I had to use my tools to get myself together.

1. It was okay to be disappointed, but there was no reason to be angry.
2. It was an honest mistake and wasn’t malicious.
3. My Troupe Leader worked so hard to sort it out for me and the customer service was amazing from start to finish. I truly felt taken care of even though it wasn’t the happiest outcome.
4. I got my cycle the day before and wasn’t feeling well, which means that jamming would have forced me to be social, overstimulated, and hot. All big no nos.
5. I believe that while everything worth having will take effort, anything that is truly for me can not be taken away.

So, I took a breath (a couple deep ones and 30 mins of silence) and decided that next year was going to be a movie.

Now, I had to refocus and regroup.

I had too much to be grateful for, and I’ve had too much fun on St Maarten for this carnival season.

Seven years ago I couldn’t have imagined getting dressed at 2am to leave the house for jouvert, beating the streets until 8:30am then coming home to clean up and go to the beach to hang out. Partying multiple nights a week?

I’ve been Minister of the Road!

I’m so proud of myself. How could I let a minor setback swallow me whole? I still have a few days left and a few fetes left to attend. All dated well beyond the time I need to recover.

And now that I wasn’t in the parade, I could actually enjoy seeing it live for the first time. Last year, I watched it Live on YouTube; this year, I had my camera out and got to catch every moment.

The energy on the road was palpable, everyone was committed to having a great time and drinking in the beauty of the road, the music that shook us like rattles as they went past and the costumes that looked so gorgeous in the sun that it almost felt wrong staring. What’s not to love?

Disappointment quickly turned into a bounty when I opened myself up to the reality that my happiness on parade day was not shackled to being in a costume – it was the fellowship, the joy and the culture of it all.

Yes, I was sad, but I was also relieved. There was room for all feelings, and they were all valid, but the hiccup wasn’t devastating.

Mindfulness is a lot easier when you see it not as a restriction but an opportunity.  So much can go wrong, but it doesn’t mean that there is no happiness to be found. 

There is beauty in discovery and recovery; and we all deserve it all.