37 was the year of “enthusiastic yes” (shout out to Pleasure Activism) 

But – How did we get there? Because to know me is to know that my favorite word and sentence is: “No”.

36 saw the return of one of the loves of my life; travel. Staycations became its own love language. Then the ‘cations got a little further and further away. New York was a pilgrimage; a place I didn’t know I needed to be to g-check my healing against itself. What does it feel like to be back in the place where you had it all and lost it like sand in a hand? Did it still feel like “my city”? Did Flatbush whisper echoes of home to me?

The answer? It felt empowering. It was great to feel like the city was the same even though it changed shapes; violently and not, over the past five years. It felt comfortable; in the way that going home always does but smaller; the way outgrowing a space always makes you feel like you’re choking on a lesser version of yourself. It was absolutely still my city, it felt good to run around Brooklyn, explore Staten Island and wake up in the City looking for the next best gluten free treasure. 

I missed the food and the company and now there’s new family. 

I reconnected with Delilah, my entire body sighed with relief when she hugged me tight and we cackled our heads off while having HotPot like old times, Neila of course was present and accounted for at the Jay-z Exhibit at Brooklyn Museum and I met my brother K for the first time. What a blessing that was to be able to lean into the friends who have known me for so many years, while I ushered a new bond into my life with my sibling. 

Fast Forward to (Miami) Vizcaya where I was challenged to “accept the gift of pleasure when it is given”. It deepened my resolve to invite pleasure into my life and to always greet it like a long lost friend rather than with the skepticism of a stranger. 

I was so accustomed to saying “no” or of fighting through my “yes” to explain how I would accommodate myself, that saying “yes” as loudly as I did without any fanfare was as shocking as the affirmation itself. Yes, I could come. I would need to figure out food. Yes, I can figure out my food if there’s a grocery store or market available. Yes, I will be cold – I’ll walk with my heating pad, hand warmers or gloves depending on what was going on. Yes, I could make it to that event if I can rest for an hour before we leave. Yes, I can wrangle a team from an ocean away. I didn’t allow anyone to count me out, especially not me. Yes, I will go with you.

Yes, had me leaving my house and the preconceived notions I had about my own capabilities behind. I replaced my camera, I smiled as I took pictures that only I will ever see, I touched grass and sand, trees and sea, and dipped my toes in the ocean from different angles.

Yes brought my sibling meet count up to 3; my Eldest Sister and my Youngest Brother with two of my nephews. 

I danced until my feet hurt, cried until I couldn’t feel my face a few times and knocked quite a few items off my bucket list. I cried seeing a rainbow for the first time in a decade then giggled to myself when I got an up close view at another a few days later. I hugged trees. I ate sapodillas from my Grandfather’s yard, shared my mangoes with my Aunt’s Parrot and held hands with my friends and family as I drank them all in with my eyes. I stood on top of hills with my hands on my hips and surveyed landscapes like my Mother and her Mother before her. It was good to be home and to feel like home was waiting for me to return; even if home was a complicated puzzle with pieces further away from each other than I’d like. 

The year of enthusiastic yes has changed me for the better; it reminded me of a version of myself I used to be and hoped to be again. This is my new baseline, with a lot more project and time management applied to my scheduling to make adventure a sustainable part of my life and not an exceptional one.

Oh how beautiful it was to run headfirst into life and its glory. How comforting to remember that I was indeed a part of that beauty. 

Welcome to 38.