There were no words. Until there are a lot of them.

There were no words. Until it’s a rant so we can catch up. 

I’ve been ascribing to the tenant “Do I really need to say this?” for a few years now but there was a moment last year that silence bloomed in me in a new way. 

This was beyond not wanting to speak, it was the need to be still – wanting to get behind the curtain and tinker with my own machinery and I didn’t want a crowd.

The challenge in working in development or having it as a pursuit is that you’re often checking for the patterns in the behavior of those around you, sometimes you see yourself in your client’s fears or their desire to be in a different place; other times you are a student of them – it’s important to be those things for yourself and not lose yourself in the growth of others.

“Be a student of your industry” is something I’ve been saying since 2016 in the Thumbstick Mafia days. I’ve said it on the podcast, I’ve said it on stream, I’ve said it on Twitter ad-nauseam. If you are not willing to put yourself through the wringer for your own development, how can you be trusted with the development of others? 

Read more: Putting the Personal in Development

It is indeed a privileged space to be in, a space of vulnerability, comfort and an incubator for rapid growth. That growth should never be one-sided.

In the content creation space, it did become burdensome and one-sided. I would get paid for sessions and people would not show up, or show up unprepared and unwilling to work. People expect that just signing up for coaching or saying you have a coach means that your life will immediately turn itself around with no further intervention or work on your part.

I was not having a good time. I got burnt out. My personal life blew up. I took a step back. A whole step back. Why should anyone listen to me talk about personal development when I need to focus on myself?

And, if there is such a time in your life that you need to take a break and work on your own blockers; you should be one of the first people to not only realize it but do something about it.

Self Awareness is the precursor to growth but it is not the whole of it, in the same way, “talking” about personal development is not the work.

Also, why do you as someone in development not have a therapist, coach or an accountability system for yourself? Why is it rare to see folks discuss their challenges outside of using it to launch a new exploration system or package deal? It’s been bothersome to come to terms with in the past few years.

I’ve been disappointed.

I could go on and on but that’s what it comes down to. Coaching and Development is not just some easy hustle to add income; it’s quite a helpful discipline when done right and can work hand in hand with a person’s holistic system for themselves (re: coaching and therapy or other mindfulness modalities). It is also a great stepping stone for those who may be apprehensive about getting a therapist or psychiatrist to help them take a deeper look at their issues or allow them the affirmation/confirmation of their own thoughts so they can move forward. It’s not just daily schedules and routines.

It hurts my feelings when folks view it like that. Something to play at; as though you aren’t asking that people place their confidence and trust in you – to help them create a manageable system, work plan or anything in between.

Randomly; in October 2022 I committed to working on a project with two friends. I was dragged back into development kicking and screaming – truly. I just wanted to focus on my little social media strategy but, no. And by kicking and screaming I mean, I saw a dire need and I knew that it needed to be filled for the project to be successful. So; after firing all my clients two years ago – I was back.

It took months for me to sink back into it, I was hesitant and the clients were not easy. I had to fall in love with it – from the point that I was in, not where I used to be. I had to remember the way it felt to come to a point together; to strategize on an area that needed work and seeing the results, or not seeing the results and having to pivot. I remembered why I loved it so much. The ability to creatively problem solve and to see the tangible growth in real-time? It’s addictive.

I’ve taken some time to step back in the past few weeks and chart my own growth, challenges and obstacles and I’m so pleased with where I am. Working in a different industry has opened me up in ways I never imagined; transferable knowledge and application skills for the win. 

Every hero is as good as their villain rings true (and through) my head in this process because this process has stripped me of my ego so many times – I’ve died and been reborn to ensure that I’m keeping up with the development of everyone around me. Not slacking on doing my own work and being okay with it because I’m busy. No breaks, no excuses. Just the work – internal and external.

Needless to say; it’s been a delight. I’m glad to be back.

Journal Prompts:

What was your biggest challenge this year? (personally, professionally, while in community and with your family? 
What has been the biggest aggregator of growth for you this year?
Has anything you’ve learned or realized this year been put to use to benefit you?

P.S. I’m not editing these fr, I type and publish – if I worry too much about it, I won’t post.