Tonight, I’m looking forward to going home; the place where my heart breathes. I will walk in and take deep breaths in every room so I can feel the nostalgia in the my bones.
I will touch doors and chairs and enter rooms for the sake of touching and seeing what should be there.
Every room will look exactly the same as it did when I last saw it but it will seem more distant, it always does when I’m away for more than a day.
I will step out of my clothing and linger naked in front of the mirror, hoping that like the rooms of the house, I haven’t changed. My eyes leave my reflection in the mirror before I can find too many flaws on my skin and subsequently in my heart.
Towel in hand, I close the distance between me and the bathroom, my sanctuary and I begin my purification, my hands turn the knobs until the perfect temperature enfold me. Hot, cold, a little more hot.
Slowly but surely I’m embraced in the soothing water and I can distract my mind from the imminent predator that waits outside of the walls. Steam clouds my vision as I dry my aberrations away and comfortable clothes become the only thing I can hide my heart behind.
I massage lotion into my skin, skin that he no longer wants to touch and I check my face one more time in the mirror.
The throes of silence tell me its time and I emerge composed and seemingly victorious until I realize that I am wanton and clingy and before I stop myself I start talking and get no answers – I reach out to and feel nothing but the coldness and the still condemnation of my love.
Deep breath, light sigh.
My heart drops and my lips pay the price for the tears threatening to fall.
I have no idea where this is going, but it keeps going in circles in my head, hopefully I can do lots of re-writing and writing until it comes together.