A Death in the Family

While the title sounds like a poorly casted 80s movie, it’s really my life. My grandmother passed, on Monday.

I never took notice of how different it is for Caribbean people, culturally.

We kept a Wake at my uncles’ house, that no one had to announce. After I heard, I started to prepare for the eventuality of being around all of the family I had in NY.

The shock hasn’t completely worn off yet, but the first layer of it peeled away as I crossed the threshold.

My grandmother died. That was an unarguable fact, one that I’m not sure that I can…really accept yet. The violence that put her on the path to her passing has made me feel nothing but hapless despair.

I won’t be able to go to Guyana for the Funeral, so I will have to wait for that closure, which is something I don’t think I’d ever be able to find. Whenever I hear her name, my heart constricts…my stomach flips and I’m ready to go right back to the comforting denial that sustained me all Monday.

 

I’m not sure what I need, where I go from here or how I deal with this. I thought myself better prepared and over estimated my ability to deal over all.

I’m in shambles.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. D.mooncrab says:

    So sorry for your loss. It might help if you celebrate her life instead, let that encourage you to smile and love her more. 🙂

  2. angirach says:

    Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to do, unfortunately it doesn’t seem to get better with time. The dull ache of loss still lingers.

    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

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