Words escape me as my thoughts haunt me. The moments of sureity are too far in between this feeling of helplessness.
I have to go see someone, I have to get medicated. It’s tearing my relationship apart and I see the alienation that I’m imposing on myself. In a room full of people I could do nothing but cry.
I miss who I used to be. I miss the feeling of my own strength. I’m becoming a burden.
Lux 
I just want to say that I can relate to many of your thoughts and emotions and that I felt very similar when I was in your stage of life. Being sensitive and creative and trying to fit into all the roles society says we have to fill. I wanted to know “who” I was. I wanted to get married and have children and have a fabulous, exciting career. I was so worried about ‘being behind schedule.” There was always this big sense of urgency and many times, extreme disappointment. Looking back it feels like I was in this incredible rush to “become an adult”,,,I read a great book by Thomas Moore, Soulmates (well some of it was great anyway) and he talks about honoring your feelings of loss, loss of a job, of a part of yourself, of a changing relationship, just giving yourself a chance to feel that pain and go through it. I see much beauty in your soul through your writings, your observations, your willingness to lay your truths bare, in your honesty to examine your life, your love of literature, stay close to that part of yourself, your creative, sensitive side and that will guide your way in all things, and in all the time you have in front of you, it will all lead you to the right decisions. Have faith…
ps I am embarrassed to say that I don’t remember ever reading Catcher in the Rye, but I thought your post on Salinger was exquisite and astute and now I have another book to put on my list. Oh yes India is on the top of my list too, as my dearest friend is a writer from there, check out his site, I think you’d enjoy it… http://www.madhurye.net
(I hope I didn’t sound too preachy here, that’s certainly not my intention)
and again thank you for all your kind words about my poems, they come from a place that I have bottled up for a long long time,
please keep in touch and stay well,
I wish you only the best of the best,
Elyse
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a response. I’m honored that you could relate to my struggles and sometimes frustration.
I wish you the best also, I hope that our blogs grow together. 🙂