Been feeling lackluster this week, trying to get past the ugly duckling issues that have resonated since my childhood. Our family is well known and well judged by people who share the same ancestral grounds as us and since we were on the cutting edge and was among the first to be racially ambiguous, it was a challenge.
My father is indian; I have a super Hindi sounding last name that surely gets me a double take when going through airport security. I do always get “randomly selected” for search and I always get questioned intensely about where I’m from, my name and my dad’s name. I don’t look indian. That is what normally throws everyone off. I’m a typical caribbean dougla girl with curly hair, a button nose and light brown skin. Typical where I come from and typical here is obviously different. I don’t look purely black either; which gets me the questions of what I’m mixed at the start of every conversation: the one I get a lot (disgustingly a lot) is Ethiopia as the Amhara people there have similar features, all I’m missing is the straight nose.
I’m mixed enough to be exotic to americans but when it comes down to it, I’m one of millions of people that are bi, tri or multiracial who don’t fit in with any race category or who checks “other” when they’re filling out their forms. Why are we so fascinating?
All I want is to pass through security but beyond that I want to feel a sense of belonging I can only feel when I’m with people who are from my part of the world, as there is no explanation required and I’m just another slim, dougla girl.
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